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Deviant for 10 Years
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with you i am loved

you've never walked away from the man that i am
you have your own pain
and we both know what we've been through
and i keep going for you

you don't seem to understand
how much that you keep me collected

my cuts are old
and i am cold
but with you i am loved

you never push me away
when i can't take another day
you're there holding my head
when i'd rather be anywhere instead
holding all of my broken pieces
when i am so very scattered
you're the only thing that gives me peace
when every single moment is a moment i cannot bare

you don't have to say a single word
i'm comforted more than you know
and i am able to see myself moving forward
you are my everything, i love you
i know sometimes i am quiet
and you wonder what's in my mind
but it's nice when my head isn't so full

sometimes i don't want to feel
i just want to know that you are nearby
and i am best when you aren't away
i am always on the brink
but i can see difference in your eyes
and sometimes it's so much better when i don't think

with you i never feel that i will fall apart again
barely holding on
and i feel loved

my cuts are old
and i am cold
but with you i am loved

with you i never have to worry
i never have to be first
and i don't have to feel sorry
i don't have to be hurt
you are my only faith
i really do believe that you love me
and that you're the only reason i'll trust again

there is only one thing that matters
and that is that i love you
you really would

sometimes i think i was just built broken
i never thought
i never felt
i never spoke quite like anyone else
but i had a few moments
that i had spent with you

and somehow i felt a little bit different

here we approaching another year
this the...
eighteenth year
and I remember lie that i told you
there was no way to promise
to never hurt again

it wasn't the only promise
there was a leap a faith
and it's swept under a bridge
and i woke up
that wass, the last promise
that it has been my choice to break

i will always have some pain
and i have stopped
standing still in this rain
there is now someone else
that i make my promises to

she'll never be you
she completes me in ways that you never could
she keeps me here
you'd like her
you really would

she doesn't push me around
like you used to
but she can get on my nerves too
she keeps me going
in that one direction
i need to go
without you

these memories are just like those phone calls
those secret visits your sister drove me too
those endless nights
those brutal mornings

you didn't want me to have to always say goodbye

life is tougher than you ever thought it would be
but i don't need pushed around anymore

and she would disagree
and you would tell me to listen to her
and maybe i would

i've messed up a lot
but i keep going
in that one direction

i just wish one more time
i could hear your voice
and you could tell me
it's all going to be ok
that i'm not...
anyone to be ashamed of
that i'm not anything...
like i feel inside

i will try to believe her
when she tells me that i am enough
she holds me now
and i know how to feel again
i really do know
you would really like her
you really would
it's getting hard to believe it's already been eighteen years since she has been gone
I am back, sort of... going to try to be around again.

Journal History


Zevais's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist
United States
I am not a man this world needs. I don't deserve anything. Kelly is the one person that holds me together. I love her, and I really don't know how I'd exist without her anymore.

I try to be a good person, and I have no ambition to be famous and admired. The way life has treated me... it seems like I don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I will live on though. There is evil incarnate and a hole that resides within me under the surface. I just hope I can keep this shell of a good person alive.


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StarlightShoals Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! :happybounce::squee::la:
Zevais Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2016  Hobbyist
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2016  Student Writer
Thanks for the favourite :)
SolidMars Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Wave by chil96
Thank you kindly for the fav dear :huggle:
have a nice day :heart:
Spoon02 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav'!:)
Ewa-a-nie-chce-spac Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2016   Writer
Thank you for faving Friends? :)
DarkBattleScars Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the watch :)
StarlightShoals Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
HAPPY (slightly belated) BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! :happybounce::squee::party:
Zevais Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2015  Hobbyist
Belated Thank You! My birthday celebratory vacation has been over a week long.
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2015  Student Writer
:love: Thanks for the favourite :)
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