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About Hobbyist Artist LancelotMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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Literature
with you i am loved
with you i am loved
____________________
you've never walked away from the man that i am
you have your own pain
and we both know what we've been through
and i keep going for you
you don't seem to understand
how much that you keep me collected
my cuts are old
and i am cold
but with you i am loved
you never push me away
when i can't take another day
you're there holding my head
when i'd rather be anywhere instead
holding all of my broken pieces
when i am so very scattered
you're the only thing that gives me peace
when every single moment is a moment i cannot bare
you don't have to say a single word
i'm comforted more than you know
and i am able to see myself moving forward
you are my everything, i love you
i know sometimes i am quiet
and you wonder what's in my mind
but it's nice when my head isn't so full
sometimes i don't want to feel
i just want to know that you are nearby
and i am best when you aren't away
i am always on the brink
but i can see difference in your eyes
and sometimes i
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 2 0
Literature
you really would
you really would
_________________
sometimes i think i was just built broken
i never thought
i never felt
i never spoke quite like anyone else
but i had a few moments
that i had spent with you
and somehow i felt a little bit different
here we approaching another year
this the...
eighteenth year
and I remember lie that i told you
there was no way to promise
to never hurt again
it wasn't the only promise
there was a leap a faith
and it's swept under a bridge
and i woke up
that wass, the last promise
that it has been my choice to break
i will always have some pain
and i have stopped
standing still in this rain
there is now someone else
that i make my promises to
she'll never be you
she completes me in ways that you never could
she keeps me here
you'd like her
you really would
she doesn't push me around
like you used to
but she can get on my nerves too
she keeps me going
in that one direction
i need to go
without you
these memories are just like those phone calls
those secret visits your s
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 2 0
Literature
sinner
sinner
_______
everything's so loud that i cannot hear
i've reached out and need to know you're close and near
my world is broken cause i see it that way
it is another sin and another day
how do i choose which path and which door
i'm scared
i have never been this age before
i've seen so much and i'm here to remember
i've just forgot to look because of my anger
what makes me so strong
makes me so weak
it was just one string and i've begun to fall
there are those that speak of grace
yet i've stood there and watched Hell in front me
and it is a face
and i refuse to see
i am so ashamed of what i am suppposed to be
there are promises
i just haven't been able to keep
i try reach behind to grab what was once there and mine
i still cannot grasp what once allowed me to shine
i feel the need to bend my head to the ground
penance is expected and its pound for pound
it is my desire for you is what keeps me here
i deserve you
anyone against will know my fear
i always hunger for a taste that is your
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 4 1
Literature
The Haunt
The Haunt
__________
it hurts so much to be fragile
everyone thinks that i am so strong
that i have some sort of destiny
that i am here
that i am still for some sort of reason
i don't like to hurt anyone
by telling them i am not
anything that they expected
that that i would be
just the end all, be all, sum off all of my pain
can't let go
one step in front of the other
looking like i am a step ahead
when i am still just lagging behind
my one hand is held
someone is standing with me
but my other hand is still empty
empty as it ever has been
can't let go
through the eyes of a father
a dream so far away
but a dream that is as old as i can remember
i am not willing to let go
anything else is just another nightmare
a blend of everything that might have been
can't leg go
there is no erasing what i was
or what i have had to regret
it is a haunt that will be always be in the mirror
it is standing beside
the scars that will never heal
the wounds that will always hurt
you can ignore the pain as l
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 2 2
Literature
Carry On
Carry On
_________
i am still here
and its not because i want to be
i am counted on
and there are those that own pieces of me
it is day after day
and i carry on
this is not the promise that i made so long ago
there is no me
there is something i am trying to be
it is my responsibility
my own sensibilities
carry on
i don't know what tomorrow is going to feel like
i am too numb
for it to hurt that much anymore
i cannot go back
even if i had the ability to choose
her present and her happiness
depend on me having made these choices
i love her too much to ever have her live without me
all the bad choices
everything that i have lost
i would choose her every single time
my life is not my own
i gave it up on that bridge
it was long ago
and i did not even know her yet
she lays her head
on those pieces of me
the pieces of me that are still here
and i won't take them from her
i can't
and i won't
one hand holds my darkness steady
the other hand gently holds the side of her face
in her eyes
i am ste
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 7 5
Literature
A Hollow Gift, Afterword
the hollow is showing on the outside
too much is filling this mind
i am regurgitating silence at the yelling and screaming
all i do is hold on
it would be good if my waking hours left me alone
the air leaves my lungs because i can't keep it all in
the hate injects into my veins
feel it right on the surface
i can't get this nothingness out of my gut
The emptiness flows throw my veins and the anger echoes,  echoes. Echoes through my ears. Anguish, pain, slows to a hushed angst. The emptiness is fear.
the sum of it all bleeds out of me such that any solace is silenced
the silence touches my skin.
indifference, numbness, quickened to a screaming indolence.
the hollow is easier to accept than everything else rushing in.
Leaking out through every pore, my silver lining flees. Left with this cavity, my hollow, hollow chest. The stillness of the air feels like a shallow chill, it's easy to accept the void when you're pooling at my feet.
pouring into every blood vessel, my black network.
l
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 6 0
Literature
A Hollow Gift
the hollow is showing on the outside
too much is filling this mind
i am regurgitating silence at the yelling and screaming
all i do is hold on
it would be good if my waking hours left me alone
the air leaves my lungs because i can't keep it all in
the hate injects into my veins
feel it right on the surface
i can't get this nothingness out of my gut
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 9 14
Literature
Wrath
this is my reality
the monster isn't just inside of me
it is something so very real
i don't know if i want to be touched right now
there you are
you are thanking me
thanking me for an act so vile
so vile i can't even look at myself
i am on my knees
i can't even stand up
this much blood is nothing
to be thankful for
don't put your arms so tight around me
these tears are not for you
i can never go back
this is, this is who i am now
i have just  betrayed myself
values lost are not easily regained
i won't take it back
past has passed
moving foward
you're still here
everyone's thankful for my decision
i don't recognize my own fingerprints
falling down
and i am being lifted up
so much i have taken away
i can't give anything back
my wrath
i did not care whether i lived or died
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 9 10
Literature
what it takes
what it takes
______________
staring down this life
yet i don't look
don't want to see
have to live it through
choices are the only reality
little choice
hard choices
there they are
there is never no choice
i won't live a life that has already happened
need to know
need to know my own strength
my mind
my soul
i can't allow anything outside to defeat me
if i am the demon
i will have my choice
i'll defeat myself
i'll become nothingness
this is my only sanity
the good choice
better decisions
being a better person
this won't be a life where good nothing happened
if there was only one last goodness
if that will be my last breathe
i shall breathe as if have never taken breathe before
for this world
for the sake of decent human beings
without such deeds
there is only evil
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 7 3
Literature
Why Did I Even Try
Why Did I Even Try
___________________
the strain to attain touch, should not be complicated
the chill of the bitter apathy
exertion in a given time worthless
WHY DID I EVEN TRY
just one possesses me
just one to comfort me
just a shell so occupied
i clench my skin to be unflexible
incarceration for the rage inside
EVERY BATTLE, EVERY PAIN IS FOR HER
the lingering of every single day
living with the fact it won't be my way
continuance of the war rages on
waking to my own burning dawn
arrested by the moment that you realize
you broke the mirror not to see your own eyes
something else is all you want to see
someone else is all you want to be
IN THE END I JUST DESERVE THIS
just one possesses me
just one to comfort me
just a shell so occupied
i clench my skin to be unflexible
incarceration for the rage inside
the lingering of every single day
living with the fact it won't be my way
continuance of the war rages on
waking to my own burning dawn
arrested by the moment that you realize
you brok
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 5 7
Literature
filthy savior
standing over the body
did it once again
something bad
if you see
you'll be better off
something awful
they'd kill again
hurt everyone
sometimes there's no way out
no good in a situation
just you and what's in the way
the gray blocking your light
spread your wings
let them shine black
pull back that pleasant smile
there's that demon's grin
his blood is yours
your fuel
taking life
make it yours
give it away
there's better people that need it
this world is sick
the fallen can sometimes be the exalted
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 4 0
Mature content
Journality: The Nothing :iconzevais:Zevais 4 2
Literature
Suffer
Suffer
_______
i'm just this sort of monster
yet i'm not really awake
i'm the rage and i'm the dark perverted mess inside
can't hold on but its what i do
just a day, another year
just until i'm more
until i'm a better man
i'd not wake from this nightmare
hold onto this life
i don't know why but i know i will suffer
its just this moment and the next
to be strong, to resist
i do it for her
who else would be here for me
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 5 4
Literature
The Rot
The Rot
________
I'm slowing down as my flesh rots
My four paws are just open gash
The burning sand
I can only pant
It's up ahead
I'm almost there
Before my eyes the abyss
It stares back at me
The endless desert for the eye to see
Mountains of stone too far to reach
Just this black hole
You cannot see
But there are eyes
Suspended by the nothingness
There no reaching the bottom
Muscles tense and snap
Just end this
Just jump in
A smell worse then my rotting flesh
At the edge
I just stand there
The dying body givens in
Bones break upon the hot sand
I feel lifted
I see my body
A dead wolf with half his flesh worn off
This is when the pain sets in
I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones.
Love to make my systems go
Welcome to the new age,
to the new age
Welcome to the new age,
to the new age
I bite, claw, and scratch my way back
This body is what was given to me
Comfortable in decaying skin
My mangled flesh
I bare this corruption
I can hear the void laughing at me
Muscles tense and pull
Just ge
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 4 7
Mature content
Pieces in the Blood :iconzevais:Zevais 4 2
Literature
FIRE
FIRE
_____
have to stop it, can't stop it,
RAGE...
have to stop it, can't stop it,
PHAGE...
have to stop it, can't stop it,
OUTRAGE...
burn fast with the fuel
burnt to the bitter edge of crisp
the fire burns from the inside
arteries, organic tissue, kindling to eternal flame
the flames given such life
contradicting its beauty
infection overcomes it all
infect inside with burning fire
Look At The Flames
This Is My Rage
I'll Make Them All Cinder
Fire Burning Its Last Flame
have to stop it, can't stop it,
FIRE...
have to stop it, can't stop it,
PYRE...
have to stop it, can't stop it,
DIRE...
I'm the Fire
this burning cinder
this raging downhill
to the bitter End
I'm the Pyre
the death of tyrants
and I will burn as Brightly
there's Nothing that can stop this
Despise what I've become
I'm the Fire
a raging system
of all annihilation
turning all to ash
the inside unleashed
there's no more collar
the wolf runs with teeth of Fenrir
my blood boiling away
ripped apart from my own anxiety
Demons r
:iconZevais:Zevais
:iconzevais:Zevais 1 3

Random Favourites

Literature
5/21/13 point of reflection
cold rain
a glass window
lights beyond
far as one
can see
words that swim
distracted fish
on a page
reflective ocean
just before me
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Literature
5/21/13 notes on creativity
you have
permission to flourish
as long
as you're contained:
a small
terra-cotta pot
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Literature
3/21/13 breeze in a forest
kissing necks
like fractured frost
keeping rhythm
like a secret
threading goosebumps
down knotted arms
while hands
fray like branches
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Literature
5/9/13 the blood miracle
lunge expand and
contract
then the speed between
opening/closing
shortens;
the gap in the door
between wide eyed/sleeping
is when profound sunlight
wafts through the curtains
and profound skeletal structures
emerge from ever-pressing dusk
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Literature
5/9/13 distance across polar vertices
my words, trapped on
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and ultimate delivery
are caged further still
in a circumpolar whirl
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what's your choice of
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when is it full?
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Literature
5/9/13
rain is falling on the roof
and i am clinging to you
through the sweeping currents
of disappointment
don't lose yourself
in the dominance
of prevailing winds,
the stillness of doldrums
the equator of your
mind/soul
the trend of direction
cannot swiftly
carry you off
if i am here
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:iconliha-irden:liha-irden 4 4
Literature
5/16/13
some lilacs
bloom sweetest,
like they were
born to
but
I don't
think I am
a flower
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Literature
5/11/13
He looked me in the eyes
and (seriously) told me
"You are a beautiful person and you are
more than good enough."

something so simple
has never made me kiss a boy
quite so hard
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Crimson Queen advanced. by el-grimlock Crimson Queen advanced. :iconel-grimlock:el-grimlock 4,036 86 Monster Makeup Portrait Stock by TalesOfNightWing Monster Makeup Portrait Stock :icontalesofnightwing:TalesOfNightWing 25 2
Literature
3 a.m. Rhyme Time
Once grew a tree so high
Its wooden arms did reach to embrace the lovely, lonely sky
The sapphire maiden fell in love
Yet was powerless to help or touch from her perch so far above
So the goddess for three days and nights cried pure tears of loss and sorrow
And beneath her gray veil of loss, her lost love did soak up her tears and grow
Wider and wider his arms did embrace
Until he could lift the cloud veil and reveal his savior's lovely face
"What saddens you so, goddess of my heart?"
The voice did cause the sky-maiden to start
A charming blush spread along her azure cheeks
Her voice was barely that of a whispering breeze when she began to speak
Hiding her blush and averting her eyes, she confessed her love and desire
Her soft words made the tree pause in his journey to grow ever higher
Then, suddenly, with greatest effort, he began to pull up his roots one by one
Aghast, the maiden uttered not a sound, uncomprehending of what would happen until he was almost done
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Literature
Rebirth
She swelled with pride and
joy, for their pride and joy swelled
from a second chance.
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Literature
The Man and the Moon
Her mouth corners hung themselves
and I began to wonder if that was the death of them.
A simple, quiet death;
without broken fingernails lining the walls
with the stripes of a despairing end.
I began to ache with the questioning in my heart
with the echoes reverberating in my capillaries
of her face scorching sunshine in her smile
right before it crumpled
and nothing was left but a frowning moon
set firm in its resignation to an upcoming eclipse.
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The Never Ending Maze
You are the truth,
You are the lie,
The unsolvable maze,
I'm trapped inside,
Will I laugh?
Will I cry? 
The loneliness is the feeling I deny,
Although the exit is before my eyes,
I cannot see it,
For the lies have blinded me,
Even though I waited for you,
I still can never escape,
For you have bound me here by these chains,
Inside this maze we call life
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Literature
I Am What They Have Made Me
Along the bleak banks of a desolate river
Ghosts pave the way to purgatory
Hopelessness in hand, crawling on realisations command
Sink or swim, burn out or attempt and fail to understand
Open season with a target on my forehead
Dust settles and they still shine
Pleading for a return to yesterday, pleading with my previous self not to stray
Then the bullet hits, reminding me that is their fray
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Kick a broken man
Words were never spoken
The proverbial shit hits the fan
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Clarity creeps and thus spoke envy in it's most sickening form
Head-on contact with the conflict
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The seeds of nature sew beasts, unyielding in the promise of anothers nerve-shake
Unevolved serpents leaving a trail of straight-jackets in their wake
Words could never do it justice
Kick a broken man
Words were never spoken
The proverbial shit hits the fan
Relenting until the signs appear
Clarity creeps an
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Activity


with you i am loved
____________________

you've never walked away from the man that i am
you have your own pain
and we both know what we've been through
and i keep going for you

you don't seem to understand
how much that you keep me collected

my cuts are old
and i am cold
but with you i am loved

you never push me away
when i can't take another day
you're there holding my head
when i'd rather be anywhere instead
holding all of my broken pieces
when i am so very scattered
you're the only thing that gives me peace
when every single moment is a moment i cannot bare

you don't have to say a single word
i'm comforted more than you know
and i am able to see myself moving forward
you are my everything, i love you
i know sometimes i am quiet
and you wonder what's in my mind
but it's nice when my head isn't so full

sometimes i don't want to feel
i just want to know that you are nearby
and i am best when you aren't away
i am always on the brink
but i can see difference in your eyes
and sometimes it's so much better when i don't think

with you i never feel that i will fall apart again
barely holding on
and i feel loved

my cuts are old
and i am cold
but with you i am loved

with you i never have to worry
i never have to be first
and i don't have to feel sorry
i don't have to be hurt
you are my only faith
i really do believe that you love me
and that you're the only reason i'll trust again

there is only one thing that matters
and that is that i love you
you really would
_________________

sometimes i think i was just built broken
i never thought
i never felt
i never spoke quite like anyone else
but i had a few moments
that i had spent with you

and somehow i felt a little bit different

here we approaching another year
this the...
eighteenth year
and I remember lie that i told you
there was no way to promise
to never hurt again

it wasn't the only promise
there was a leap a faith
and it's swept under a bridge
and i woke up
that wass, the last promise
that it has been my choice to break

i will always have some pain
and i have stopped
standing still in this rain
there is now someone else
that i make my promises to

she'll never be you
she completes me in ways that you never could
she keeps me here
you'd like her
you really would

she doesn't push me around
like you used to
but she can get on my nerves too
she keeps me going
in that one direction
i need to go
without you

these memories are just like those phone calls
those secret visits your sister drove me too
those endless nights
those brutal mornings

you didn't want me to have to always say goodbye

life is tougher than you ever thought it would be
but i don't need pushed around anymore

and she would disagree
and you would tell me to listen to her
and maybe i would

i've messed up a lot
but i keep going
in that one direction

i just wish one more time
i could hear your voice
and you could tell me
it's all going to be ok
that i'm not...
anyone to be ashamed of
that i'm not anything...
like i feel inside

i will try to believe her
when she tells me that i am enough
she holds me now
and i know how to feel again
i really do know
you would really like her
you really would
it's getting hard to believe it's already been eighteen years since she has been gone
Loading...
I am back, sort of... going to try to be around again.

Journal History

deviantID

Zevais's Profile Picture
Zevais
Lancelot
Artist | Hobbyist
United States
I am not a man this world needs. I don't deserve anything. Kelly is the one person that holds me together. I love her, and I really don't know how I'd exist without her anymore.

I try to be a good person, and I have no ambition to be famous and admired. The way life has treated me... it seems like I don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I will live on though. There is evil incarnate and a hole that resides within me under the surface. I just hope I can keep this shell of a good person alive.
Interests

Comments


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:iconstarlightshoals:
StarlightShoals Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! :happybounce::squee::la:
Reply
:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2016  Hobbyist
thanks!
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2016  Student Writer
Thanks for the favourite :)
Reply
:iconmythiril:
Mythiril Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Wave by chil96
Thank you kindly for the fav dear :huggle:
have a nice day :heart:
Reply
:iconspoon02:
Spoon02 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav'!:)
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:iconewa-a-nie-chce-spac:
Ewa-a-nie-chce-spac Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2016   Writer
Thank you for faving Friends? :)
Reply
:icondarkbattlescars:
DarkBattleScars Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the watch :)
Reply
:iconstarlightshoals:
StarlightShoals Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
HAPPY (slightly belated) BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! :happybounce::squee::party:
Reply
:iconzevais:
Zevais Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2015  Hobbyist
Belated Thank You! My birthday celebratory vacation has been over a week long.
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2015  Student Writer
:love: Thanks for the favourite :)
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