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It is happening again; twenty one years, and it is still happening . I heard the gunshot, the explosion, the clanking of steel. Quick to my feet, I refused to think and followed the sound of malice, the sound of screaming. I saw her there; I could not let her die, I had to prevent her pain.
In my mind, there was the man that does not exist; Tolec Nal cracked his neck and laughed something that would pierce the ears and result in blood. He had a pact, a devil's deal. If I cracked my shell... if I let loose what was inside, I could do what needed to be done.
I looked at her. A man with a gun, several men with guns, beasts, demons, something from beyond... it was always an opponent with intent to kill. I signed the pact like I always do. I spilled my blood. The bleeding wound spread and unleashed what was inside; I am always unbound. Skilled beyond my measure, controlling the elements, a master of puppets, a transformation... one way or another... literal or metaphorical... I become a monster.
My spilled blood demanded more blood. I became rage, the juggernaut. I roared out; all that was left of the good man was in pain. I beat them into a pulp. I burned them alive. I tore out their lower jaw. I ripped out their heart. I ate them alive. I released the bolt of electricity that burned a hole straight through their core; they became as hollow as I was.
My eyes were not my own; there was a a filter of red, a layer of my own blood. Their blood covered everything else. I saw her there. She was afraid of me; everyone was. I dropped to my knees; I sat backward as the tears rolled down. I could not move. I had no words. All I could see was blood.
Tomorrow, it will happen again.
__________________________
EDIT: After a few comments, I decided to add a tidbit of information. I have three recurring dreams that I witness everytime that I sleep... and sometimes in daydream. The events of each change slightly... but the overall story and theme are always the same. I can only confirm that these dreams go back to when I was 8 years old. I don't remember well before that. This journal entry is one of those recurring dreams that I cannot get rid of.
In my mind, there was the man that does not exist; Tolec Nal cracked his neck and laughed something that would pierce the ears and result in blood. He had a pact, a devil's deal. If I cracked my shell... if I let loose what was inside, I could do what needed to be done.
I looked at her. A man with a gun, several men with guns, beasts, demons, something from beyond... it was always an opponent with intent to kill. I signed the pact like I always do. I spilled my blood. The bleeding wound spread and unleashed what was inside; I am always unbound. Skilled beyond my measure, controlling the elements, a master of puppets, a transformation... one way or another... literal or metaphorical... I become a monster.
My spilled blood demanded more blood. I became rage, the juggernaut. I roared out; all that was left of the good man was in pain. I beat them into a pulp. I burned them alive. I tore out their lower jaw. I ripped out their heart. I ate them alive. I released the bolt of electricity that burned a hole straight through their core; they became as hollow as I was.
My eyes were not my own; there was a a filter of red, a layer of my own blood. Their blood covered everything else. I saw her there. She was afraid of me; everyone was. I dropped to my knees; I sat backward as the tears rolled down. I could not move. I had no words. All I could see was blood.
Tomorrow, it will happen again.
__________________________
EDIT: After a few comments, I decided to add a tidbit of information. I have three recurring dreams that I witness everytime that I sleep... and sometimes in daydream. The events of each change slightly... but the overall story and theme are always the same. I can only confirm that these dreams go back to when I was 8 years old. I don't remember well before that. This journal entry is one of those recurring dreams that I cannot get rid of.
I am not dead, yet...
I am back, sort of... going to try to be around again.
To those that will notice.
I guess I am about to return.
I am dumping all of my writings from my teenage/college years into my Deviant Art Vault right now. I have just lost the urge to post them anymore, and I don't want to be reminded that I never finished sharing them all. They will remain in my Deviant Art Vault in case I change my mind one day. All of my writings from more recent years will remain up as well as any tributes I have written.
I am going to start sharing some writings I have made in the passed couple years that I haven't shared yet. I will be making an attempt soon to make a comment on at least one writing of the writers I watch here on Deviant Art.
This.
This sickness is haunting me.
This thirst for blood.
This rage.
This image of vileness in front me. Everything in me becoming rage, I want to lash out. Tear limb from limb. Reach my fingers in their mouth, clasp the bottom jaw, rip their throat out. Beat them with their own arms. Roar. My vision is crimson with my blood vessels coating my eyes with my own plasma.
This is too close to becoming constant only replaced by my wretched recurring dreams or the comfort of the one I love.
This is only made more bearable when I listen to my music, closing my eyes and truly embracing a daydream of this rage in action. This is what I do almost daily
The Nothing
There is something horrid when your own mind holds you back from things you enjoy simply because your day to day life makes you want to tear the world apart until you see you person you care about most. For me it is my fiance, Kelly, I am always waiting for... just so sick of my job and where I am in life.
I just want to come home, listen to music, read and write literature here on deviant art, and occasionally play some video games online. My day exhausts me, and I feel like doing nothing too often.
I get home and want to fuck off.
And on my couch I sit.
I'll flip on the laptop and go over the pointlessness, the random sites and the emai
© 2013 - 2024 Zevais
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